I miss you.....

I was crying this morning when I woke up after dreaming of my granny. Coincidentally, today is her first year death anniversary.

My granny was this petite lady that I had stayed with for most of my childhood. She adores me as I was her first grandchild. I used to play lots of pranks on her and bully her into giving me what I want as a child. As she was not really a culinary expert, I remember the routine dishes of fried fish, beans and eggs with salted vegetables that she would cook for me. Even as I shifted back to stay with my parents as I grew older, she continues to visit me regularly with all the goodies that she will bring and the extra pocket money that she will secretly pass me (needless to say, I really love her visits..)... I would stay with her sometimes during my school holidays as well and we will go out to the shops together.

Soon, I grew up and started to have a life of my own, the need to spend time on my school work, with my friends and other frivolities of life... I started to see her less and less........ she started to grow older in the process as well and visits became less....... then she developed dementia. The times I visited her became the once in a year Chinese New Year and when she visited my hospital for regular checkups (my ex bosses are actually her neurologists!!). I really wished that I had spent more time with her when I still had the chance but I guess I shall live with that regret now.

I miss you, granny,....... though you do not say it, I know you have always doted on me and was really proud of me. I knew you were glad that I got into the university and eventually got a "good job" working in a hospital... it is as if everything I had achieved no matter how tiny it is became a big big deal in your eyes!!! Thanks for all that reassurance that you have given me. Even when the late stages of dementia plagued you, I knew you never forgotten me. You always manage to call out my name when you saw me along the hallways in the clinics and would want to bring me out to eat (to the amazement of my ex-bosses). I really miss you... whereever you are now, I hope you are well and will remain happy there!!